Goth IHOP

At Goth IHOP we strive to ensure our customers are always satisfied. Our philosophy is simple: Great food, great service, and goth babes bringing you pancakes helps us continue doing a capitalism.

I'm riding my bike and almost get hit by some madman who seems to screech into the parking lot. The genius gets out of his car, apparently not having noticed me. He slams his car door and walks right up to a restaurant with a glowing sign that reads "Femboy Hooters." I feel my nerves firing but I shrug it off, a bit derailed by the restaurant and the presence of a police car, inhabited by an officer who seems disinclined to do anything. An officer sitting at the wheel looks on at the scene, then chuckles to himself, shakes his head, and resumes pouring vials of drugs into small baggies in preparation for his next victim. He looks contemplative for a moment, then sprinkles one of the baggies over his powdered donuts and takes a bite. Rattled, I pick up my bike and slowly tread on the sidewalk, resuming my task of getting something to eat. As soon as I turn the corner on Femboy Hooters, I see another restaurant in the plaza. The sign reads "Goth IHOP" — prompting me to burst out laughing. [No fucking way.] I lock my bike, jog over to the door and push it open. I'm greeted by a beautiful, pale, curvy server clad in a black cardigan and shorts, as well as a white tee. Her limbs are dotted with black jewelry.

The gorgeous woman speaks in a flat, dry tone, but offers a warm smile. Welcome to Goth IHOP. A seat for one today? A server will be with you in just a moment. A second woman approaches and waves you over.